Art Crimes Against Humanity 004

And you thought Vegas was tacky.

During my 10 years of living here in Salt Lake I've heard rumor of ye olde Anniversary Inn, a fussy local boutique hotel with different themes for each room. I never really looked into it until my eye caught an ad in the free local wedding guides that one sees strewn about the city each Spring.

Let me turn your attention to the reasons why A.I., as I enjoy referring to it, is so much more than you ever realized. Now with four locations, three in Utah and one in Boise, Idaho, you too can have an "Experience like no other". The saccharine sweet website goes on to proclaim, The Anniversary Inn has a "Touch of Elegance" and a "Hint of Adventure".

I took it upon myself to bring discriptive highlights together from many of the more exotic rooms web pages to create a mythical A.I. Master Suite ...if you will... so insanely imaginative, that it cannot be contained by the minds of mere mortals:

Marriage Got You Down? Try The Anniversary Inn. Surround yourself in luxury and the picturesque as you step into a fairytale, cross the moat and enter your castle. A dream world of mermaids and Greek legends with visions of dolphins, tropical fish and coral reef surround you. An octopus stands guard at your bedstead!

Visit the middle of the South American rain forest with old ruins and artifacts from an ancient civilization surrounded by the Amazon river and jungle. Continue your fantasy with a ride in the silver spaceship bathroom with a jetted tub surrounded by a winged dragon and a queen-sized bed sitting on the back of two elephants. Inside a rock sea cave you can relax as the waterfall shower cascades from a elephant's trunk or clamshell. Maybe carpets don't fly, but who knows if you don't really try?

Roughing it takes on a new meaning when you bed down in the Old West (or similar cliché). Drift off to sleep in a covered wagon, an old fashioned carriage, a pleather gondola or under a grass hut, inside an ice cave or lighthouse! Sleep in the "balcony" while you watch the "play" (a 52" Television) on your own Phantom Of The Opera stage. Take a disco nap on an octagonal bed in a white lattice gazebo or on the round leather bed in the Bikers Road House/Cave. Then turn on the fireplace and hope the whole place doesn't go up in flames like a Sid and Marty Krofft set.

The treasure, of course, is the memory you take with you when you leave. Let your imagination run wild, after all, there's a little magic in every room at The Anniversary Inn.

Seriously, the A.I. website is pretty good. I highly suggest browsing the different locations with accompanying 360° tours of each of the rooms. Here are links to some of the best:

Amazon Rain Forest, Aphrodite's Court, Arabian Nights, Caribbean Sea Cave, Jesse James Hideout, King Arthur's Castle, Lake Powell Suite, Lost In Space, Pyramids Of Egypt, Biker Road House, Carriage Suite, Country Garden, Enchanted Forest, Hay Loft Suite, Light House Suite, Mammoth Ice Cave, Mysteries Of Egypt, Opera House Suite, Oregon Trail, Romeo and Juliet Suite 1, Romeo and Juliet Suite 2, Sleeping Beauty's Castle, South Pacific, Sun Valley, Swiss Family Suite, Treasure Island Suite 1, Treasure Island Suite 2, Italian Gondola Suite, Jackson Hole Suite, Jungle Safari, Phantom Of The Opera, Sultan's Palace, The Rose Garden, Swiss Family Robinson, Jungle Safari, Mississippi Serenade, Mysteries of Egypt, Neptune's Cave, Secret Garden, Sultan's Palace

 

Comments

[Kim]

Ah Jesse, how can you knock the AI? Who wouldn't like to sleep with an octopus? It might inspire some creativity in conceiving that 8th child.

Or, that child might be born with 8 tentacles...

Imagine role-playing that must go in those romper rooms ... Or NOT!

[matthew]

Oh, Brother... this has to make about the strongest statement against traditional marriage as any I've seen.

Though, as far as artistic quality goes, it's pretty on point with the priceless oils that adorn the walls of the visitors center in Temple Square. It always made me giggle watching the momos gush over the sacred quality of those...

I suppose not everyone shares in their definition of "luxury".

[Northampton House]

Thank goodness I live in Utah! I have to check these out and laugh with my wife about them. They're so creepy!

[Mendel Potok]

My word, whoever finds the pioneer room as sexy probably find their food storage erotic. The pictures alone make this, all I can say is Fetching Crap.

[Wedding venues]

I almost stayed in the french room. After $200, the a/c unit was frozen and I was told to shut it off and WAIT 4 HOURS! yeah right. the decor is hideous and stupid, but i put up with it for my wife's sake.